“Tomatoes are red, they never turn blue
Chilli is hot, and so are you.”

Yours truly penned this original poem and recited it to a very pretty girl some time last year. Said pretty girl rolled her eyes and pushed yours truly away.

If you’re just as witty in crafting food-related pseudo-romantic poetry, well, good for you.

If you’re nowhere near this sort of eyeroll-inducing talent, may we gently suggest you invite your hot date/ best friend(s)/ spouse/ family member(s) to a non-discriminatory Valentine’s dining experience at our humble li’l diner?

At The Garden Slug, we believe Valentine’s Day is for celebrating all kinds of love. Out of benevolence and consideration for all of mankind, we have created two special events: Mingle-Mingle Night on 13 Feb 2012, and Lovey-Dovey Dinner on 14 Feb 2012.

Free-flow Menu for Mingle-Mingle Night, 13 Feb 2012
• Pumpkin, feta & cranberry salad tossed in a strawberry vinaigrette
• Assorted mushroom tart triangles w/ bacon & cilantro pesto
• Sweet potato, red pepper & edamame croquettes served w/ a sesame dressing
• Ginger, honey & cayenne chicken drumlets
• Fusilli in a tomato-cream sauce w/ spinach and Italian (pork) meatballs
• Country Chicken Stew w/ hearty vegetables
• Cilantro & chilli dory (fish) atop tri-coloured roasted potatoes
• Red velvet white chocolate raspberry brownie
• French crepes topped w/ refreshing fruits in a lemon-orange rum glaze
  Book online: Mingle-Mingle Night, 13 Feb 2012

Four-Course Menu for Lovey-Dovey Dinner, 14 Feb 2012
• Heartfelt Soup: Roast pumpkin & apple w/ a light marjoram cream drizzle
• Passionate Starter: Fresh prawns w/ chilled avocado, cucumber mousse & a tabasco aioli

  Palette Cleanser: Orange & sweet cilantro shooter in a ginger-salt-rimmed shot glass

• Choice of “The One” Main each:
  – Australian Ribeye Wine Stroganoff (beef) w/ balsamic onions + sweet potato mash
  – Pan-seared Salmon w/ a tangy strawberry shallot sauce + sweet potato mash
  – Slow-baked Saffron Chicken Ratatouille + warm crusty bread
  – Braised Forest Mushroom Pasta, w/ a light drizzle of basil & truffle cream

• Make Sweet Sweet Love Dessert: Red Wine Chocolate Cake w/ a light Earl Grey Cream
  Cheese custard, lovingly paired with port-reduced berries & mint cream
  Book online: Lovey-Dovey Dinner, 14 Feb 2012

And if you’re curious about the story between the pretty girl and yours truly, a year later yours truly receives this in reply:

“Roses are red.
Violets are blue.
I do love the fact
That you are uncool.”

This brings us to only one conclusion: yours truly is clearly the better poet.

Bad lispy poetry aside, our soups are made fresh daily, with fresh ingredients, by fresh-faced Young Slugs (and sometimes an Old Slug or two may get involved).

Got a photo or three of one of our thoupth? Submit it on this here mini food pr0n website.

See this clipping from i-Weekly magazine?

thanks for the pic, julyclover.

We put it through Google Translate and this is what it spat us:

Since it was launched in 2006, located in the pet hospital and pet store several nearby TGS have been a number of loyal supporters, among them cats in animal welfare associations held meetings. Restaurant in the 25 to 29 January Lunar New Year period, the introduction of special menu, which the Greek original raw salmon ($95), three copies of the Lunar barbecue platter ($55) the most popular, but need to put dry 2 days ago bookings.

How to win a LNY platter
1) The first person to e-mail us a more accurate translation of the article wins the $55 platter.
2) Accuracy aside, the first person to e-mail us the most creative and/or laugh-till-belly-aches translation wins the $95 platter.

That’s right, valuing creativity over accuracy. Clearly we are people of good taste and solid character.

Closing date: 31 January 2012.
Winner(s) will be announced first week of February 2012.

Hear from youse soon.

Hongbaos are like arrows, fruit flies like banan.. No, wait. Um.

Hongbaos are like papercuts, they’re very small but very annoyi…. Ok this isn’t quite the day for analogies. Let’s cut (O look, a pun) to the chase and get seriously factual.

There are only three universal uses for hongbaos:
1) To be origami’d into angelfish/ cranes/ dragonflies/ [_insert plural of any origami-able animal_]

2) To be added to any respectable collector’s collection, subsequently earning said collector a brief appearance on local telly’s latest reality TV series – “Hongbao Hoarders”

3) To be used as a socially-acceptable receptacle of nuptial extortion money

Clearly, any person of sound mind and good taste would want nothing more than a delectable set of 8 assorted hongbao designs that very strongly resemble eat-too-much-and-become-heaty local treats. Like bak kwa. Did we just say bak kwa? That’s right. Bak kwa.

Made by a group of young, effervescent, local designers mysteriously named &plentymore. Mysterious because they only make awsum things like, oh, once a year? Meaning these hongbaos are limited edition. Meaning they are available in limited quantities. Meaning we’re really proud to be carrying these hongbaos to make up for not making pineapple tarts this year in support of local artistic & entrepreneurial endeavours.

Delectable Hongbaos, delicately wrapped in pink old skool candy wrappers, and available for perusal & purchase at our unassuming Retail Therapy Shelf from today until Saturday 21 Jan 2012.

Bak kwa.

Le Food Table sans food. We will bring out Le Food when Le Party begins to ensure Le Food be Le Fresh for all Le Slugphiles.

Le Thousands of Le Googly Sluggy Eyeballz. Okay maybe not thousands, we exaggerates. Is it only in Le Hundreds. But all we handmake one hokay, dun play-play.

Le Bouquet from LE TWO QUEENS! In shape of Le Garden Slug!! *Le Swoon* Le Eye Stalks are made out of a real plant. Sibeh creative leh, we loves! <3

Two Queens ah Two Queens, why y’all so sweeeeeetttt? We will cry one leh :’) *sniffles*

Le Love Missive from Le Two Queens. HOMG they’ve even caught on to Le Lingo! *Le Double Swoon*

Le Party Packs, Le Door Gifts and Le Miscellaneous Party Items.

Le Prizes. Whatchy’all been waitin’ for, riiiiight?

SEE YOUSE IN JUST A BIT!!! ***LE MANY EXCITES***

We turned five on 8 December 2011, however, we were too busy watching Le Turkey TV to organise something for youse, our dearest and darlingest Slugphiles. We knew we weren’t gonna be able to get away with it, so we consulted Le Stars in Le Eastern Sky and picked Le Most Auspicious date to celebrate — Wednesday, 4 January 2012. That’s like, merely a few days away! (RSVP details available after a few more paragraphs of mindless drivel. Or scroll down lah if you can’t wait >.< )

Can you believe it? That we’ve been around for five whole years? ‘Coz we can’t believe it ourselves.

We opened Le Shoppe on 8 December 2006. We completely forgot about our 1st birthday. Our 2nd birthday went by just as quietly. We wrote a teary post (probably one of our best posts ever) on how we wouldn’t trade you for a million dollars. We decided to celebrate our 3rd because good things come in threes, right? And finally last year, we decided to celebrate with a bang. It was the single most memorable night for us last year. Many of youse came by to share love and laughs, and we hope you’ll do the same again!

So here we are, Le Five Years Old.

Awsum artwork by Mishal “Noodle” Slug

Le TGS Fan Night 2012
Le Date & Le Time: Wednesday 4 January 2012, registration starts at 6.30pm

Le Theme: Come dressed in Sluggy Olive Green or Sluggy Yellow! (refer to our awsum logo for reference).

What can we has other than everyone dressed in green and yellow? Here iz what we can has.

We can has all your favourite foodses and drinkses.

We can has Le Painstakingly Handmade Door-gift for each of youse.

What are they? They are Le Googly Sluggy Eyeballz of coz!

This is how you put it on. It’ll go perfectly with your Sluggy Olive Green and/or Sluggy Yellow outfit. Trust us Le Fashionista Slugs.

Le Googly Sluggy Eyeballz sans pupils on Le Joseph Slug’s hemsem head

We can has Le Awsum Hug Ticket for each of youse! Basically you can go up to anyone at the party, present them with this ticket to redeem a hug. (Now everybody say, “Awwwwww….”). Yep, that’s us. Always doing our bit to spread Le Loves.

Three lucky (randomly chosen) people will get a special “golden ticket” each, which allows them to redeem a special hug such as:
• Le Bear Hug
• Le Hug With Kiss
• Le Snuggle

*many excites!*

Now remember to keep Le Hug Ticket with you, because we shall be using Le Ticket Serial Number for Le Lucky Draw Prizes! Le Exciting neh! Ooh how Le Clever we are.

We can has special guests like Le Ice Cream Man and Le Tarot Card Reader.
 

We can has good, clean, dorky-adorable games like Le Treasure Hunt, Le “Banned Words” and Le Broken Telephone Line.

Don’t look at me, I’ve no idea what a Broken Telephone Line game is. It is all planned by Le Young Slugs as they will be taking charge of Le Fan Night. Le Old Slugs will simply meander around all night doing what we do best – pretending to act like bossly bosses.

Le Food, Le Drinks, Le Music and Le Good-Looking Slugs are all on da house, yo. So chop-chop-kalipok fasterly RSVP as we’ve only got space for 60-odd Slugphiles.

HOW TO LE RSVP
• Limited to the first 60 peoples
• RSVP by Monday 2 Jan 2012 5.00pm to justask@thegardenslug.com with the subject “TGS Fan Night 2012″.
• Include your name & contact number – limited to 1pax per reservation. (So if you’re coming in a group, each of you has to RSVP individually hokay? Dun be lazy.)

• You may also RSVP via SMS to 9225-7913

CAN’T WAIT TO SEE YA!! Le K and Le Thanx and Le Bye!

Anyhoo.

Stuff that came in the post today:

1) Some very lovely Christmas cards from our vendors, business associates and most importantly, SLUGPHILES. Out of which, this was unanimously voted as our favourite ^_^

Thank you belly, belly much Athan, Ashton and Autumn. You make us Old Slugs feel… um… old. ‘Coz we’ve been watching you GROW. Le sigh. And thank you Aaron and Alyson for supporting us through the years. It seems like you’ve been watching us grow too. *le sniff*

p/s: Autumn – D’you think you could get us a date with Elmo too…..? HEHE

2) A certificate for our used cooking oil recycling efforts.

We’ve reduced 1267.20 kg of our carbon footprint. 1267.20 kg hor. Dun play-play. We strive to reduce more next year.

Actually it’s a lot more than 1267.20 kg as quite a few of us Slugs cycle to work each day.

Sharon Slug cycles all the way from Siglap. (edit: actually not anymore because the pedal broke and she has yet to fix it since February 2011. This photo is from July 2010. Tsk, liar!)

Bonnie Slug cycles all the way from Chai Chee.

Havard Slug cycles ALLLLLLL the way from Whampoa! 45 minutes each way. Now THAT’s a boatload of reduced carbon footprint, yo.

If you’ve been following us long enough, you’ll notice most of our blog posts are completely pointless and we have an almost pathological tendency to digress. This one is no different.

3) A “life-sized” 3-dimensional s l u g !!!!!!11

The details are amazing.

Okay, technically this one didn’t come in the mail. It’s a lovely, generous gift from Victor of Zia Concept. Victor’s shop is just diagonally across the road from us and he’s been our neighbour for five years and counting now. Thanks Victor, we are beyond touched.

We tried to make it look, er, festive.

We don’t really know what to call “it”. Maybe we should have a naming contest?

Anyhoo.

The point we’re trying to make here is that we feel loved by y’all and we’re saving the planet. What more could a mere Slug ask for, right? Right.

We would like to wish y’all a Belly Happy Christmas and we’re looking forward to meeting the new year with youse too. We’re throwing youse a party on 4 January 2012, so watch this space for details coming soon.

* Good-looking “eat drink don’t think!” t-shirts available for sale at our Retail Therapy Shelf. Sizes XS-XL.
** Good-looking Slugs (ages 17-37) not available for sale, sorry.

The portion for 2-3 comes with all of the above PLUS a salmon & chestnut terrine with fresh, warm bread by side.

It’s good for 2-3, but you don’t have to share this either. Just sayin’.

Available for dine-in at our shoppe, all day, everyday, through December 2011.

What about non-dine-in guests? There are people who like to tapau things you know.
No por-blem. We also have a simple, good-looking, and somewhat-healthy (just like all of us Slugs.. hurhur!) Christmas Take-home Kit for youse, if you’d like to have the Ultimate Celebration in the comfort of your own home instead.

How it works – very simple.
1) Place your order online.
2) Orders above $385 get free delivery.
3) Or, come pick up your order from our shop – we’ll give you 1 bottle of Sommerton Shiraz Cabernet on the house.
4) Last day for ordering is 20 December 2011.

Hit us up if you need help – justask@thegardenslug.com (a rather friendly Slug mans the e-mail hotline dunch worry)

You also haven’t seen this brochure probably because we have yet to advertise at bus shelters, on taxi doors, the side column of your Facebook page, or a half-page of a non-glossy magazine.

So why haven’t we put out bus ads? No budget lor. Whatever profit we have for the year went into buying a pine tree.

The decorations are mostly gifts from people who took pity on us, Sharon Slug’s mother included, upon seeing a bare pine tree in our shop.

Also, bus ads are impersonal. In true Sluggy style, we prefer to tell you things ourselves, as we’ve been doing for the past five years.

Some of youse may have received a personal, cheery e-mail from Sophia Slug with an attached order form. Like Slugphile Nic here.

If you are at our humble li’l shoppe, you may pick up a dead-tree copy or two of our Christmas Take-home Kit order form at our newly set up Retail Therapy Shelf (more on the Retail Therapy Shelf soon.)

Bendy cardboard arrow and artwork by Mishal Slug.

Alternatively, if you’re quite savvy with the usage of this newfangled device called a computer, you may want to peruse the save-the-trees version of our order form.

It gets better and easier every year for you and for us, because we have the Facebook, the Twitter, the Posterous, the Flickr, and the Tumblr (actually we have two of the Tumblrs). We love all those online platforms like we love our bosom buddies.

Speaking of bosoms, if you are the one hosting a cosy Christmas do at your home this year, make sure you carve yourself a sweet piece of turkey breast. Because you deserve it.

The Garden Slug’s Christmas Take-home Kit 2011 ~ pared down, simplified, quieter, but still & always will be, created with only you in our hearts and minds.

–
The Fine Print:
• Come pick up your order from our shop – we’ll give you 1 bottle of Sommerton Shiraz Cabernet on the house.
• Free delivery for orders of $385 and above.
• Last order for Christmas Take-home Kit is 20 December 2011.

Halloween: the night of October 31, the eve of All Saints’ Day, commonly celebrated by children who dress in costume and solicit candy or other treats door-to-door.

Being fairly typical, boring, Southeast Asian Slugs, we do none of the above at our li’l shoppe. I mean, Western celebrations like these are meaningless to our deeply-entrenched Southeast Asian souls. That last sentence doesn’t even make sense. We just wanted an opportunity to use words like “deeply-entrenched”.

Anyhoo.

Our Slugphiles, however, know how to have funn.< — (okay, this is an in-joke meant for Ian and May only. And no, we are not explaining it to the rest of youse.)

Hemsem Slugphile Ian, in a pseudo-emo pose, with his pre-op pumpkin.

Slugphile Ian’s pumpkin, post-op.

Slugphile May’s starry-eyed pumpkin.

Sophia Slug’s kitty, “Pumpkin”. No really, the kitty’s name is Pumpkin.

And introducing Sophia Slug’s two new kittens: Peppy, channeling Wonder Woman, and Potter, channeling Sherlock Holmes.
 

Slugphile Van a.k.a. The Bearded S.P.G. and Slugphile JJ a.k.a. The Brinjal-Coloured Teletubby
 

This evening us Slugs on duty will all be dressed up as.. Singaporeans. Now that’s seriously scary stuff, if you think about it.

We hear some of youse might be coming by tonight in costume? Can’t wait to meat and grate you! HEHE OKBYEZ.

And, well, happy halloween. Whatever that means. Yah.