Okay, we admit that headline was pure clickbait. Guilty as charged. We’re bad peoples. You are truly not going to find anything here that is going to add value to your life in any way. Please. Just leave.
☾begin lonely Slug ramblings☽
♪♫ If your parents had sent you for music lessons and you, like us, had failed to make a decent career out of it (e.g. royal philharmonic orchestra member, piano teacher, street busker), you could still at least reward their years of tuition fees by telling them what a Sonata means.
Failing that. The least you could do is put a smile on said parent’s face by assembling a platter of the following ☮ Peace Øffering™ (100% success rate. Yes, we gonna give you step-by-step instructions):
- 1 x whole fish. Scaled, gutted, filleted, coated with tempura batter & parmesan crumbs, and then fried until golden like the sun
- 1 x small squid. Gutted, sliced into rings, battered and fried as above
- Medley of chips: french fries, sweet potato fries, and keropok ikan (traditional fish crackers)
- Slice of lemon and handful of cherry tomatoes, for colour and the deception of ‘wholesomeness’
- Chopped cilantro, again for colour, and some people actually like it (not everyone thinks it tastes like soap ☠ )
⚐ Failing that. We are happy to help prepare the above Peace Øffering™ on your behalf in exchange for a small fee.
Peace Øffering Pte Ltd hotline: ☎ 86888575
this is not a google ad
We’re extending this special dish for another two weeks, because
 we ran out of clams last week, and although most of you agreed it tastes great with shrimp, too… we know most of youse really really really love clams. Good news, clams are back in stock ☺
 you keep asking for it. Simple as that ☺ Bring yo mama this time!
p/s: we added the notebook to make the pic look intellectual
☔ Lazy to shower, put on clean clothes, go out to tapau food etc etc? ⛾ Wanna spoil the parentals with ‘breakfast in bed/ bathtub’? There is hope for you yet —
♘ Deliveroo — $3 flat delivery fee, delivers within 32mins, nearby areas ~2km
♞ Foodpanda — Slightly wider reach ~3km, delivers within the hour
advertise to our readership of 20! e-mail us today!
Last day to try this, if you’re into drinking real ⚘ flower ⚘ petals. Not even sure why we created this; it’s got hipster written all over it and you know we are sooooo not hipster. Or are we? Because someone once said we’re ten-years-old so we were the first hipsters. Okay we’re talking to ourselves again and that’s not cool, Sluggie. Not. Cool. (More proof that we’re not hipsters coz we’re so uncool…)
⛐ Anyhoo, in a few short hours, we’re changing the special beverage of the week to something alcoholic. Like, upside-down-bottle-in-a-mug kind of alcoholic. We think it’ll be a fun drink/game for a Mother’s Day weekend, because everyone knows a family that drinks together spills all their dirty little secrets together.
Even =^_^= Cowboy doesn’t respond to our monologues anymore. We’re so lonely, pls come chat with us. Hi.