This Is How You Strip & Tease & Do Cookery Magic In A Tiny Slug Kitchen

Yes we do have specials for you this week. But instead of doing the usual shock & rock (the world), we thought we’d strip down the cooking process and make it into a haphazard teaser of sorts. Is this what they call strip-tease? AHAHAHAHA I kill me. Ok nvm.

So it was rumoured that there might be a braised-mushroom-something-or-other coming up this weekend. Sophia Slug decided to, um, un-quash (what’s the opposite of quash?) the rumours and went shopping for ingredients, garnering her much praise and adoration from her 1-person fanbase.

The Garden Slug presents – “This Is How You Strip & Tease & Do Cookery Magic In A Tiny Slug Kitchen

Is cookery a real word? Anyhoo.

In Sophia “Kaulitz” Slug’s korner: Slooooooooowly braising the porcini wine stock.
this week's specials TEASER: This Is How You Strip & Tease & Do Cookery Magic In A Tiny Slug Kitchen

How slow is slooooooow, you might ask? Well, only two hours and fifty-five minutes to go! This is what technology is for. Do not, I repeat, do NOT offend the gods of technology for they have been very kind to us. Use technology responsibly: Always Set The Timer, yo.
this week's specials TEASER: This Is How You Strip & Tease & Do Cookery Magic In A Tiny Slug Kitchen

Meanwhile, back in Joseph “Rain” Slug’s korner, he has some candied lemon cups, waiting to be filled with Tom Collins ice-cream. Have we told you Joseph Slug used to be a bartender? And Sharon Slug too? Did we just up their sexiness quotient by a few million points? Yeah. Moving on.
this week's specials TEASER: This Is How You Strip & Tease & Do Cookery Magic In A Tiny Slug Kitchen

But wait! Candied lemon cups cannot be served all by their lonesome selves. (unless, of course, you bat your eyelashes and ask us nicely. You know we can’t refuse. If you haven’t any eyelashes then GROW SOME.) Where were we? Ah candied lemon cups. They be served together with… well, what do we have here. All I can say is it’s got pistachios k. Like, PUH-LEN-TY of pistachios.
this week's specials TEASER: This Is How You Strip & Tease & Do Cookery Magic In A Tiny Slug Kitchen

And far in the other-other korner of the shop, where the air-cond is cold and the music is loud, is Louise “Toper” Slug doing her thang… sacrificing her sobriety for all you slugphiles, trying out beer after beer to select only the finest & most complementary booze for the week’s specials.
this week's specials TEASER: This Is How You Strip & Tease & Do Cookery Magic In A Tiny Slug Kitchen

So there we have it. All stripped & teased out.

It took me about 55-minutes to write this drivel (yah, I TYPE SLOW, CAN?), so I’d say we have another couple hours to go before we can “out” the specials for the week.

Patience, my child. Patience. Now run along. See you in two hours.


Teeny tiny help section (a.k.a. more useless information):
• If you enjoyed today’s drivel, you may be delighted to know we prattle away on a weekly basis here. You get to learn about the week’s specials too. And fart jokes. And Pope jokes. And then some.

• For the attention deficit, we (try to) contain our waffling to <140 characters on Twitter.

• There are only three countries in the world that have a bigger population than Facebookistan. So we applied for citizenship.

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